Our routine would be to meet up at the Wellness track on Tuesday/Thursday's at 5:30 and Saturday at 7:00. Now, anybody that's anybody knows that I'm NOT a morning person, so as soon as I was told 7:00 AM on Saturdays...my thought was "EWWWWH" I would also be faced with the challenge of not being able to be there every other Saturday because T runs every Saturday morning with his group. Along with that, our big girls are gone to their mom's so I would not be able to make it. However, I knew how important it would be that I be there to keep up with the routine if I had planned on actually doing this thing without walking.
So, I talked to T about working this out around our schedules, decided that I would use this opportunity to start "dieting" again and to begin this journey.......I am at week 5 now and I'm STRUGGLING....and that's putting it lightly. I'm not sure if this running thing is "for" me. I feel defeated and just plainly put "a loser". I want SO badly to be good at something! Running is hard and I know it takes time,effort and conditioning..."it's all about conditioning". I never was in any sports growing up so I'm not an athlete, but I've heard plenty of people say, "I wasn't an athlete, I just started one day"....and guess what? They are running marathons. I don't know what the deal is...I wished I did. I want to finish this 5K without walking so badly, I mean 3.2 miles? That should be a drop in the bucket right? I mean I can run at least 2.5 miles on the treadmill. Why or Why can I not do the same on the track? I try reallllllly hard to push through the pain, but when the pain comes, my pushing isn't enough and in the end I just give up. I've been told most of the running is mental. I'm fighting a huge barrier and I'm not sure how to get past it. I'm also dealing with a toe "injury". I'm not sure what is causing it but my hub seems to think it's "turf toe". I'm not so sure.
I participated in two 5K's the year before last. I had to walk in both of them but I finished. Some would say it's not about running the whole thing but finishing, my feelings are just the opposite. I want to succeed at this. I feel like giving up, especially after yesterday's run. I sat in my car afterwards and had a pity party for myself squalling like a baby...... I still want to try at it. I suppose there is something inside me that is still fighting. The only thing I know to do is to just keep showing up every week and trying again. I still have an outrageous goal of running a 1/2 marathon by next February. At this point, I just don't see how..... If any of you runners have some tips or helpful thoughts please feel free to share.
